RUWAGirl: The Blog

I’ve never witnessed such an onslaught of fandemonium since the rise of the Twilight Series. Who would’ve thought this little series would create a stir that hasn’t been seen since The Beatles, Elvis Presley (both before my time) or even the late Micheal Jackson? I’m not comparing the talents or the work involved with those previous celebrities but the fan reaction to the artists are the same. It begs the question why? Why are people obsessed with this series? Many people argue it’s an obsession about the supernatural, about vampires and the seductive pull toward that genre. I tend to disagree.

There is something in this book series that has registered in the hearts of its readers. Love. Sure, go ahead and roll your eyes but I’ve read the book series and there is something inherently different in this love story that strikes a chord with its readers. The heroine of the story, Bella, is your average, girl next door. She’s normal. She’s pretty, nice, loyal, sweet and loves her family. We relate to her because she’s not some buxom, unrealisticly unattainable perfect Hollywood beauty that none of us feel comfortable being compared to. The guys she falls in love with, Edward and Jacob, are quite attractive and seemingly out of her reach. The reason we love their characters so much is their unyielding devotion and loyalty to Bella. They unconditionally love her, awkwardness and all. They aren’t ‘players’, ‘thugs’, terminally selfish or irresponsible guys on the prowl to get only one thing from her. That right there is why this story resonates with women everywhere. The characters in this story know about real love. The Cullens’ (the vampires) are partnered with their mates forever, not until they get bored or see someone else walk by. It’s the same with Jacob and his ‘pack’ of wolves. They are partnered for life. They have no desire to sow their wild oats in every single field they see. These men love their women unconditionally and literally put their lives on the line for them. These aren’t common traits in society. Monogamy, loyalty and commitment aren’t as prevalent in society as they once were and women are craving it hungrily. We want to know there is a man out there who can actually remain faithful despite obstacles. That, as time passes, he will stay and be just as enraptured with us at the end as in the beginning. This is what the readers see in the Twilight series and that is why it has hit a level of pandemonium that hasn’t been seen in years. Everyone is crying out for that type of love. Real love, not lust.

If it’s something that I can’t live without it’s music. A song has the ability to take you from the lowest of lows and propel you to a higher plane where you can overcome any kind of emotional adversity.

I enjoy a lot of different genres. For me I have to literally ‘feel’ a connection with a song. Sometimes it’s instantaneous, other times it’s gradual. I’m generally a ‘rock’ gal. I love the hard guitar edge and the militant drums but that’s probably because of my ethnic background. I like a lot of artists that may not be as commerically popular as some out there. A lot of them are in the Christian genre and are just amazing. There are some that I would really like to mention because they have a great blend of kicking riffs, original vocals and such an addictive energy that I can’t stop listening to their music. I do have to point out that I like so many artists/bands that I couldn’t possibly list them here so I’m not taking away from any other credible artists out there but the following bands are definitely worth a listen.

Thousand Foot Krutch - Welcome To The Masquerade (or anything by them actually–they rock!) Superchick - Beauty From Pain and Rock What You Got, TobyMac - Portable Sounds and Tonight, Kutless - anything at all by these guys…they’re just awesome, Barlow Girl, Worth Dying For and Krystal Meyer.

These are just a few recommendations but I have so many more artists listed on my Myspace page http://www.myspace.com/501709121

I’m online a lot. I’m on Twitter, Myspace, Facebook, MSN, hotmail…etc. So I end up reading a lot of comments or seeing a lot of pictures. Some of them are entertaining while some of them are quite disturbing. It’s bothersome to me that so many people have grown up just hating themselves. Most of them probably don’t realize this but it comes out in the comments they write. Almost two months ago I saw a People magazine article about Heidi Montag who had something like 23 surgeries to make herself ‘better’. I was saddened by that. The fact that the 23 year old thought she needed to succumb to the lies sold by the media or Hollywood that she was unacceptable the way she was. The fact is that there was nothing wrong with her before! She was beautiful the way she was. The problem is that when you get caught up in a lifestyle where your focus is on the appearance you are bound to see flaws. The point is that we all have flaws and we’re supposed to. We’re not meant to look like everyone else and that’s ok. I have a lot of flaws, I’m sure, but you know what? I’m at peace with them. The beauty is in the flaws. It’s my birthday this weekend and quite honestly I’m not hung up about the ‘age’ factor. I simply don’t care. I am happy. There are times when I look in the mirror and think…oh yeah I need more rest or my hair looks crazy…but at the end of the day I’m not worthless because I don’t look perfect. We are all valuable regardless of what we look like, weigh, or where we’ve come from. A person’s value isn’t dependent upon the fickle standards of the media. We are deemed valuable because that is exactly how we were created by God. Each person with their diversity in appearance, personality, ethnic backgrounds…etc is valuable, period. If you get anything from this blog at all…I hope it’s that you are special, unique and NOT just a number on big planet earth.

Sometimes people celebrate holidays without really thinking about it.  They don’t think of the origins behind the holiday.  The unfortunate thing about society is that holidays now are nothing more than a cash grab and many people don’t stop to consider why those days became a holiday.  Today it’s Thanksgiving in Canada.  Many people think of turkey, stuffing, cranberries and relatives on this day.  When I think of Thanksgiving…I’m not thinking about food.  I’m thinking about just how much I have to be grateful for.  Most people can complain about what they don’t have but the truth is that many of us have so much more than many countries.  Most of us can say we have a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear.  That is a lot compared to some countries.  I think that society has become so spoiled in this ‘microwave’ era.  We want everything right now and we think we deserve everything for nothing.  Personally I’m disgusted with how some people behave, eg: They don’t have patience to wait in line at a store for five minutes, or if their TV breaks down they feel it necessary to yell at the person who is trying to get it fixed.  Bottom line…people today are spoiled, unthankful and ungrateful.  It’s nothing to be proud of.  I for one am very thankful for everything that I have and if something goes wrong in my life I’m certainly not going to use someone else or a deity as a scapegoat.  There comes a time when we have to be accountable for our words and actions.  Pain in life is inevitable but misery is optional.  We have the choice each day to either be in a good mood or a bad mood–regardless of the circumstances.  As Ghandi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I was appalled to see a clip online where Robert Pattinson, who played “Edward” in Twilight, was hounded and practically assaulted by female fans on the set of his current movie Remember Me.  What is wrong with these people?  That poor guy looked so uncomfortable.  He was being so gracious with these fans but the truth is that they never should’ve touched him!  I can’t imagine the stress he must be under right now.  I admire him but I just feel as though his fans need to give him a break and leave him alone!  I fervently pray that this doesn’t adversely affect him.  It would be wise for the producers of this new movie to invest in some better security for the guy if they want him to continue.

There has been quite a lot of media saturation regarding this movie and the actors involved.  I suppose I have to express with relief that I’m unknown in the eyes of the world and I don’t have to endure countless hours of scrunity and criticism that these actors or the directors have to.  I’ve read some of the blogs, comments and opinions regarding the Twilight movie and the actors chosen to star in it.  A lot of these comments are just simply unjust.  It’s easy to tell someone how to do something but it’s quite a different story to actually do it yourself.  It’s not easy to turn a book into a screenplay that flows flawlessly into a movie.  I can appreciate that there are just going to be some things that can’t be included in the movie and there are going to be details that may be construed in such a way as to make the movie flow more naturally.  Personally I think the movie was great–I probably would’ve watched it if it was 3 hours but nonetheless it didn’t disappoint me at all….and I’ve read that book probably 10 times! 

I also believe that the actors/actresses who were chosen were a good fit to the characters.  I know there is a lot of speculation about this but I just couldn’t imagine different people playing these roles.  I appreciated what they brought to the roles and the fact they will remain in the next movie New Moon.  I certainly can’t imagine a better choice for the role of “Edward”.  I think that Robert Pattinson brings such an authenticity to this role that can’t be replicated by someone else.  You can see and feel the anguish through his portrayal of Edward.  I’m very glad he is staying throughout the rest of the series.  Due to the hype of the movie and book series I feel very bad for Robert because every single thing he says or does is etched somewhere in “medialand” where it can be inaccurately conveyed and distorted.  While I don’t know him, he seems refreshingly real and modest–a rare commodity in Hollywood–and is now subject to constant scrunity by the press and public.  I can’t even imagine what it must be like to encounter that type of publicity–no privacy, walking out the door to meet a friend and then that friend is suddenly your “partner”, and then having to clarify details about your private life that nobody has any right knowing about in the first place.  Poor guy–I hope he takes comfort in the fact there are people who love and accept him for who he is and not only the role he portrays.  I hope his family and friends are truly there for him throughout this media blitz.  I guess that’s fame and fortune: one minute nobody knows who you are and don’t even care–the next you are in every magazine and everyone wants a piece of you.  I’m so glad that I chose not to pursue any acting or professional singing despite what people have suggested.  I just simply have no tolerance for that kind of media scrutiny or duplicity… back to him though… I am however rather curious to see his musical talent amplified.  He seems to be naturally gifted for songwriting and playing instruments.  I hope to see more of his songs in the upcoming soundtracks of the Twilight movies, because I feel that it would be waste of genuine talent without his musical contribution.

I had never heard of Twilight until my friend and fellow co-worker gave me the book to read early in February.  I remember hearing passing comments from other co-workers who were reading the book but it never drew my interest for two reasons: 1) vampires - although I didn’t mind the odd film about them I became bored about the same descriptions about them (evil blood sucking enemies bent on killing off all of humanity and 2) I’m not big on “romance” novels.  No offense to all the wonderfully gifted authors who publish wonderful romance novels but they also seemed to be the same to me–some unrealistic fantasy that the real men around us could never attain to–so why bother taking the already precious limited time I have to myself to waste on that?? 

Well I stand corrected on both thoughts.  From the moment my friend told me, not asked, but reached across my desk and handed me the book and told me to read it–I’ve become enthralled.  I was very pleasantly surprised at what I encountered through this book series.  The last time I was that excited to read a book series was the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  This book captivated me because I noticed something quite different in these stories from the rest.  I’ve become used to the onslaught of an over-sexualized culture through the media never giving account for the heartbreak associated with it–and yet here was a book series that actually described true and undefiled love.  I was amazed because it addressed real human needs and desires but focused on how the characters loved each other so selflessly.  There was no profanity, no ridiculously over-emphasized promiscuity or vulgarity.  I suppose this impressed me because unlike so many I’m not desensitized by the lies that the media tries to feed us about self-gratification without consequences–especially where irresponsible behaviour is concerned.  I may be one of the precious few people out there but I truly believe that there is a wonderful soulmate for each of us–one who is best suited to us.  Maybe I can relate to “Edward” because until I meet my soulmate I have no interest in anyone else.  I’m secure enough to know that I can be alone because I quite simply haven’t found that person yet and I don’t feel incomplete just because I’m single.  I don’t need to date just “anyone”  or try to find that guy because I am fulfilled and have peace within.  I’m not trying to fit into the mold that society thinks I should fit into.  No thanks!  I’m my own person and will think my own thoughts.   Enough of the rant back to the book… I was very impressed with the author’s original perspective about a very different breed of vampires.  Vampires who weren’t out to destroy humanity but who could actually develop and maintain love for one another and for the humans around them.  What a refreshing difference!  And the comedic one-liners!!!  In the midst of this series I was laughing out loud from some of the comments by the characters.  All in all I was very pleasantly surprised by the book series and I do truly hope that the author will publish Midnight Sun.

I’m sure that anyone can name something that they’ve said or done that they regret.  It can be simple or complicated.  Regret has no boundaries–in fact if someone is consumed with regret over something it will cause an overwhelming sense of guilt which will lead to depression and or self-condemnation.  While there isn’t anything wrong with acknowledging a mistake or failure—basking in the sinking sand of regret will only keep you chained to the very thing that you want to be free from.  I know this personally.  In the past I had squandered a lot of precious time in regret/guilt/condemnation over so many things.  The biggest one was past relationships.  I regretted that I had allowed myself, due to extreme hurt and insecurity, make very poor choices when it came to men.  It’s really sad the things we tolerate because of insecurity, fear or worry.  I’m glad to say that is in the ancient past and I’ve since then become quite secure and remain very happily single.  However it has to be said that at the dramatic/painful conclusion of a couple of past relationships, I experienced such extreme regret that it almost destroyed me.  It is hard to face the truth that you allowed yourself to be treated a certain way even when you knew in your heart it was hurting you and/or your family.  While I wasn’t to blame for the way I was treated–the regret came because I allowed myself to be treated that way.  I’m sure you’ve heard one or more of these questions: “If only I had left sooner?”,  “I wish I never met him”, “Why did I go back–when I knew in my heart that he hadn’t changed?”, “Why didn’t I listen to my ‘gut’ feeling that I shouldn’t get involved with him”.  The list of “shoulda” “coulda” “woulda”’s could go on for miles.  The problem is that every time you allow yourself to think these thoughts and dwell on them–you become consumed with the past and how it “could’ve” been different.  However focusing on the past prevents you from moving ahead and embracing your future.  Dwelling on the past will only depress you because you can’t change it–it’s out of your control now and that is where the guilt, self-condemnation and depression can take over.  I finally broke free from this when I realized that I can’t make better choices if I’m constantly looking behind me.  How can I go forward if I look back.  Try it, try to actually walk forward while you are looking behind you.  It doesn’t work–you will hit a wall or something–either way the destination you end up at will be the opposite of where you intended to go.  I had to search deep within myself and conquer the fears that kept me bound to those choices/mistakes/failures.  What was the root cause of allowing myself to put up with the things that I did or settle for less than what I deserved?  I came up with a few roots: insecurity, fear, worry.  Most of them were well established in some form of rejection and abandonment from my childhood.  Due to the fear of abandonment or rejection an insecurity arose within me to accept certain behaviour because “what if I couldn’t get better?”  That of course is a lie–one that I had believed by the influence of those around me.  So I tolerated the disrespect and irresponsibility until I reached a point of desperation.  And that point came while I was watching a couple of movies: “The Perfect Man” and “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”.  Now I’m not really into a lot of “chick flicks” but both of these movies had storylines where the children in them were adversely affected by the choices of their mother.  Then it hit me–I didn’t want my daughter to make the same mistakes that I did or settle for second best because she didn’t think she couldn’t get any better.  At this defining moment I asserted myself with the man that I loved and tried to set some boundaries–to my shock, although he professed his love for me, he couldn’t bring himself to make the necessary changes to heal our relationship.  At this point my dreams came crashing down–I mean this was the man whom I thought I was going to marry, we had rings picked out and plans for a tropical wedding to take place only a few months later–he was claiming to love me and want to be with me–but yet couldn’t make some healthier choices for our family??? It didn’t make any sense to me.  I knew that he was probably afraid but he chose out of fear to stay in dysfunction instead of taking a step forward to fight for us.  And that is when I knew I would never be the same….because the truth is that the road I was heading onto was a completely different path from his.  Moving out was one of the hardest things I have ever done–because I was leaving someone who didn’t want me to leave, who still loved me and wanted us to be together but who was insecure and afraid to confront the lifestyle that was destroying him.  And I never wanted to leave—but I HAD to.  I couldn’t allow our daughter to learn how to tolerate something that wasn’t good for her–and that is what I would’ve done if I had stayed…because the lifestyle wasn’t beneficial for us.  Bottom line:  I made a choice that day for a better future.  I can’t say it was easy because break-ups are never easy.  I had to work through a lot of pain and disappointment.  I did have some initial regrets–but not about leaving because it was the right thing to do.  It was more like why didn’t I do it sooner?  And it was no reflection on him as a person because he was a great guy–but a guy who was very hurt, messed up and had rejection issues.  When you put 2 hurting people together it’s inevitable that they will hurt each other in the long run because they have open emotional wounds.  And that is the problem with most relationships–most people have baggage from previous relationships that they carry into the new relationship instead of getting some healing before meeting someone new.  And down the road because you haven’t dealt with the hurt and pain of the previous relationship–it starts to fester and poisons your current relationship.  Most people don’t learn from the mistakes they made or experienced in their previous relationships–so they make the same ones or even worse in the next relationship.  This is why more than 75% of all 2nd marriages end in divorce.  I’m not implying that dealing with the hurt, rejection or disillusionment is easy.  Make no mistake to actually deal with the pain is hard–it’s not the easy road for sure but it’s the right path to a whole healed heart.  Then when the process is over you are actually ready to meet someone who is best suited to you–and not just someone you are merely “attracted” to.  But it takes tenacity and strength to wait for the right person and not settle.  If you’re unhappy by yourself–you will NOT be happy with someone in your life.  Putting all your dependence for happiness and fulfillment in a person backfires because people are human and are bound to let you down.  And if you don’t deal with your emotional baggage you are a prime target to allow the WRONG person into your life–thereby repeating the cycle of unhealthy choices which is the very thing you are trying to stop.  Sobering facts yes–but I hope they are helpful.  Please don’t make the same mistakes I did.

It is amazing to me how many people have these great intentions about changing the course of their lives but yet don’t want to face the reality that there are some things that need to change before they get there.  They don’t really want to hear the truth because the truth hurts.  The truth will expose certain behaviours, attitudes, habits, thinking, speaking, …etc that will not be pleasant to acknowledge.  Yet it’s only when you accept the truth about where your choices have led you that you are now in a prime position to change your life.  You can’t keep repeating the same mistakes of the past and expect a different result.  If you want to change your life for the better then you need to make different choices so you don’t end up on the same road.  If you think you are going forward but are constantly looking backwards then you are not moving ahead you are merely going around in circles and will end up in the same destination as you were before. 

 Example #1

 How many people want to lose weight?  But how many people are actually willing to put the effort forth and properly lose weight in a healthy manner?  Most people want the desired end without having to do the work to get there.  Everyone wants weightloss in a pill, or a shake, or a cream…but it was your unhealthy habits that caused you to gain the weight (in most cases) so that means you need some healthy, permanent, habits to cause you to lose weight or else the weight loss will be temporary.   I can name some pretty famous celebrities who keep losing and gaining weight yet they have all the money, trainers and healthy food at their disposal.  The real problem is that they want a quick fix but they don’t want to really change their lifestyle permanently because it’s hard work and it hurts.  What they don’t realize is that they are causing themselves more harm then good fluctuating up and down all the time.  It causes more strain on the physical body to keep going up and down in your weight.  The bottom line…people want the results but they don’t want to change.

Example #2

Everyone wants to be rich but how many people are willing to be disciplined in their finances and work hard to get the desired results?  Most people slack off in paying their bills, they overspend, live cheque to cheque and yet they will gamble or play the lottery to get rich quick.  If you don’t know how to budget your money when you have only a little bit then you won’t be able to keep a large sum around if you do get it because you don’t know how to budget properly.  And why should you even be entrusted with a large sum of money if you can’t even be trusted to be responsible with the little you have?  I have known people to get an inheritance which could have lasted their whole lifetime but because they didn’t know how to budget properly it was gone in a matter of months or years. 

I’m not saying that hearing the truth is easy but the rewards of listening to the truth and changing your life for the better are far greater than the temporary discomfort caused being confronted by it.   I would rather hear the truth and be hurt if it means that the changes I implement cause me to avoid a catastrophe later.  Something to think about. 

I believe that society in general is out of control financially.  Most are manipulated into thinking that the more “stuff” you get the happier you’ll be.  An easy way to disprove that myth is just take a look at Hollywood–people with millions of dollars yet so very unfulfilled and unhappy.  What I think is that people are spending money they don’t have to try to fill some void within them.  Whether they grew up watching their parents live cheque to cheque or in poverty (like me), or whether circumstances and pain in their lives have caused them to develop habits that provide a temporary solution to the void in their spirit.  Whatever emptiness you feel inside is not going to be filled with a car, or a house, or money or …etc.  Some people have this overwhelming need to compete with others when it comes to material possessions or to “save face” if there was some kind of bad history there like they have something to prove.  The problem is that when you mismanage your finances–you are not only hurting yourself–but whomever comes into your life.  When you live beyond your means–you are only going to cause undue stress on the people in your life, be it your parents, partner or kids.  Whatever temporary joy you had in purchasing that “item” or “items” will fade quickly when you realize that the impulsive move you made to buy those things is going to put you into debt that you can’t pay for.  If you can’t pay your basic bills like rent/mortgage, utilities, phone …etc then you certainly shouldn’t be spending money on frivolous things that can wait.  If you have a tight budget then you need to pay your basic bills and take care of payments on your already pre-existing debts NOT go and get yourself more in debt.  I know so many people who are doing this and their relationships are suffering or they are so stressed out that it has caused severe health problems because of it.  Do you realize that the number one cause of divorce or separation in relationships is: MONEY?? And…most of the time it has to do with one person or the other not being responsible with the finances.  Is losing your family really worth having all that debt?  Why not look at the real reason you are spending the money…maybe to feel important, secure, special, …etc.  What is the driving force behind the spending?  When you look deep into your heart what is it that you feel that causes you to overspend?  If you are looking for stability, acceptance, esteem, worth…it’s not going to come from your wallet.  It’s going to come from within.  Do some “internal” housecleaning and face those “ghosts” of your past that are haunting you or tormenting you because they are destroying you.  You need to deal with these things before your life gets worse.  Believe me, I know, I’ve been tormented by past situations, mistakes, abuses, decisions… but I’ve dealt with those “demons” and found freedom from them.  Whether people want to agree or not, we are not just physical or emotional—we have a spirit and that spirit can’t be filled or sustained with the materialistic or superficial but by a relationship with God.  If you need examples of this I encourage you to take a look at the millions of people who have tried to fill this void with everything but God and how they are still empty and unfulfilled because they are NEVER satisfied–and you can see the obvious result in society and it’s not a pretty picture.  Something to think about.